Understanding dating and men
Thus, it is typically easier for straight male sex addicts to notice when their sexual behavior becomes compulsive, excessive, and destructive. Rather, they are compulsively sexual as a way to self-medicate individual psychological issues – depression, anxiety, attachment disorders, social phobia, low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, etc.These are exactly the same underlying issues presented by straight and bisexual sex addicts, both male and female.And while this is in most ways a positive (gay and proud) reaction to growing up in a shame-based, homophobic society, a counterculture of unrestrained sexual activity also tends to both enable and make it difficult to identify problematic sexual behavior patterns. Similarly, it is difficult to stand out as a sex addict when you live in a sexually permissive community.In simple terms: If you spend all your free time in bars, it’s hard to determine if you are an alcoholic or just someone who likes to drink. Most gay men live in such an environment, while most straight men don’t.In one survey of male sex addicts (a mix of gay and straight men) 87 percent reported also abusing an addictive substance or another addictive behavior.
Hustlers are found on prostitution (and dating) websites; porn of every ilk imaginable is ubiquitous on the Internet; mutual masturbation occurs via webcams; and in-person casual and anonymous hookups are set up using “friend finder” smartphone apps.
Now, however, gay marriage is a hard-fought-for reality in several states, and with a forward-thinking president who has spoken in support of it on more than one occasion, other states are likely to follow.
This has created a dramatic shift in gay men’s attitudes toward marriage and monogamy, leading in turn to quite a lot of individuals rethinking their sexual behavior, wondering if all the “fun” they’ve been having is actually compulsive and destructive rather than enjoyable.
A friend of mine used to do heroin, and he described to me one time what it was like, and it’s Drugs and Sex Writing a blog about gay men and sexual addiction without also mentioning concurrent drug abuse would be a great disservice.
The simple fact is sex addicts often struggle with multiple addictions.